Stuck in a rut

I have sucked beyond belief latly and not only blogging. I want to write about happy things on my blog so i can reflect back and show my kids one day what we did while they were growing up. I am so lucky i am able to stay home with them but right now i feel like its almost impossible to do anything. Its more work to get them ready, pack them up, put them in the car, go somewhere unload, do what we wanna do for 45 min untill the twins get winy and i have to take them home! I am just venting and i really am not a complaining bitch all of the time but i have been so depressed and unhappy with things and i know i am the only one who can fix it but we found out my gram past away on saturday night so we have been dealing with that. IT SUCKS! I loved her and she was my favorite gram i spent every weekend there as a child plus most of my summers. It was a sad sudden loss and im just trying to get through the last wake tonight and the funeral tommrow.

Overwhelmed

The party we had at our house went surprisingly well. I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off while dinner was being served, and actually before that because we were getting ready for dinner but then were also doing the christening before we ate. So it was a little hectic for me. My mans grandfather is an Epispicol Priest so he performed the christening right in our driveway. It took me a week to get my house back in order after the party but I think that is because i was exhausted the day after the party.

This past weekend I worked my Relay for Life benefit held in my town. I was a chairperson and Relay for Life is apart of the American Cancer Society. This was also very tiring but its a good cause and I am happy to be associated with it. We have a wedding to go to this weekend which will be fun, but hubby is also adding more to his plate and doing some roofing jobs. Its so hard cause he works his ass off at his job and he could have it so much easier if he used his degree he worked so hard for and got a job in that field.

I hate being such a downer but I have really been feeling shitty latly. I have put on 10 pounds in the last 2-3 months which means I have no clothes that fit me well or that I even feel good in. The twins are running me down, I feel like I am always trying to keep up but can never get ahead. I want to be a good mom and I try so hard but when you have 2 crying babies climbing on you literally, and then Little T is asking for a drink I just want to bust out in tears and the bust out the door and leave by myself for a day!

Ok Ok enough of my bitching. Here are some pics from the party, I should have given someone my camera to take pictures I didnt have many and I didnt even get pictures of the Christening!



Cake Time ( a little blurry sorry)

Someone is not happy

The birthday boys with their papa
You cant see it too well but i got them shirts that say 1st Birthday!

This is the lamb we roasted on the spit, hubbys step dad (above papa)did it!
Ironicly the program hubs grandfather put together had a baby lamb on it!

hiatus

I have been on a little Vaca from blogging. Only because i am preparing for the First Birthday slash Christening for my baby twins! : ( Except they are bigger and not so much babys anymore.
Anyway we are cleaning and organizing and getting the house ready for 100 of our closest friends and family. Yeah i know im nuts, but people tell me that all the time.

My period is coming right?

That time of the month is on its way. I mean that is the only excuse I have for why I have been feeling like the most selfish bitch lately. I feel like the most crazy misunderstood alien there is out there. OK maybe that's going a little to far but I feel like I should be in a good mood with the weather getting nicer and everything. Its so hard sometimes I am home all day long ALONE with the kids, and I feel like its friggen groundhog day cause I do the same thing all day everyday. I was thinking of having someone come here two days a week or so to give me and the kids both a break from each other. But I don't even know what i would do! I am such a loser, and a whiner I should be happy I get to stay home with my kids and raise them. I Just need a break. Thank God my man is taking his vacation next week so I can sneak off to go get my hair cut and a pedicure, Er i mean so we can prepare for our upcoming party!

Just some pictures

22

Today is my 22 birthday. The Twins are napping Little Guy is eating, my house is a mess from the weekend (even though we were barly home, how that happens ill never know) And were going out to dinner tommrow cause my Lover is working late tonight.

Last year I was pregnant with the twins on my birthday, like almost 9 months preg. Haha i think i was sitting up in bed trying to sleep with heart burn so bad my throat was raw from being burned. Birthdays have always been fun, even if it wasnt celebrated on the actual day I didnt care. Now that Im a mom of 3 its about the kids i honestly dont care if we do nothing. I love my family and want to be with them. I know 22 isnt even old at all, i feel old but not in age. I think i am now realizing how much faster i had to grow up then others. Again not complaining I love my life, my family and my friends. Its just hard to relate to others sometimes. At Little Guys school i am by far the youngest mom, everyones really nice its just hard to relate. A few of my friends have children, but they only have one, and those friends are even older then me. I have 3, people are always schocked to hear it and say "God bless you", or "How do you do it?!" and I even get some "You must be Crazy!".

But Really I am just glad to have made it another year, especially this year. I get tears in my eyes thinking that the twins will be One Year old in two weeks. It was a rough one, but it was a good one.

Double Trouble

Whoever came up with the phrase "Double Trouble" was defiantly not messing around. I knew when we found out we were expecting twins it was going to be tonz of work, and I have always told myself if I can make it through the first year it will be OK. But jeez I kind of wish we were back in the infant stage where it was just eat, poop, sleep, eat, poop, sleep! I am just shy of 2 weeks away from my babies First Birthday! (Holy Crap I cant believe that) and its still a lot of eat, poop, sleep X2, but it is also lots of wiping sticky fingers, chasing after (only now i have gotten smarter and gating them in one room), being a referee since all they do is steal each others toys, and cleaning crumbs O my the crumbs are EVERYWHERE! Seriously all i do is clean and pick up and wipe down, I am sure every mom can relate to this, but sometimes I don't know why i bother to wipe the high chairs they are just going to get crumby and messy after the next meal. I think my vent might have to do with us going to a concert on Wed. I look forward to getting away sometimes, but it sets me back so much that sometimes I am not sure its worth it.

So Sad

So I know i said i was going to try and keep up with my blogging, and this i am going to continue. But this past week has been such a whirl wind, it is so surreal. I am not sure if everyone has heard about the crash of flight 3407, and the 50 lives lost. But this was literally in my own back yard. I do not personally know anyone on the flight, but i have family members and friends who do. It is such a sad sad thing we have been thinking and praying for all the families affected, the people who live around the crash site have not even been allowed back in their houses and it has been one day shy of a week. please pray for these people and their families

schedules

so i mentioned a little before that the twins are on a pretty good schedule. Not so much in the sence that they must wake up at 8am sharp and eat breakfast at 830 sharp. No its nothing like that its really more to make my life easier, i keep them on pretty much the same schedule so i am not always feeding someone. Because that is how I would feel if they were not one one. Now Trevor my firstborn he was the most easy going little guy ever, we were almost always on the go. He could eat if he wanted nap when he wanted and was just on the whatever i feel like doing at this moment schedule, and it worked for us. I have never been the schedule type, but since having twins i have needed to. They get up around 830 in the morning, have a bottle and play. Somewhere between 10 or 11 o'clock they east some cereal with fruit and then go down for a nap. Wake up again around 1 o'clock have a bottle and play again, nap at 3 where they usually sleep for an hour or 2. They eat cereal and a veggie or stage 2 food for dinner about 530is then bath and bed by 730. Now i know all of you love hearing about my boring schedule i have set for my twins. I miss the easyness of one child and being able to be on the go whenever i want, But i do love the chubby gummy smiles of my Cash and Brody.

So i totally am in love with my man. Really he is great he loves me, he provides for our family, he is very easy going, he listens to me bitch about everything. But honestly sometimes i want to punch him in his man areas! OK that is a little mean, but really what goes on in that head of his sometimes i wonder! So this morning he let me sleep in, one of the many things i love about him. But he let Brody Sleep all morning, therefore the twins are now on opposite schedules! This kills me, yes i understand the boys went to bed late last night since we were at my inlaws, but to allow Brody sleep in till 1030 is nuts. They usually wake up around 830am so letting him sleep in an hour would have been ok. Then when i was talking to him about it he acted like it made no sence to him, why did it matter if they were on opposite schedules, well hunny maybe because it makes our lives easier! LOL and our children do very well with this schedule if you ask me, our firstborn not so much a schedule babe, the twins i had to do it cause i would have died with out it. Anyways since he decided this was such a good idea, i decided i was going to go out for the day and get some things done so he can see what its like with one baby up and one baby sleeping....and im off....

Here are some lovely beach pictures since we have LOTS of snow where i am....hey wishfull thinking!
ugh i guess i have to figure this blog thing out a little better...the picture at the top is supposed to be down here

Here is our christmas picture i figured i would brag a little cause i love my kids! haha i am obviously biased, but they are just so darn cute! and chubby <3

New baby pic! too bad you cant post the new baby smell....o how i love that!

Trying

so i am really gonna try with the blog thing now, try being the key word. I have a brand new niece He'lena Grace. She is beautiful and was born on saturday. I love her, no really i love her. Im not sure if its because i only have boys, but she is just awsome i feel as though i am going to spoil this little girl to death. Dont get me wrong i LOVE my boys, but there is just something about little girl clothes that kill me! LOL! we are so done having children, but seeing the twins cutting teeth, rolling around, starting to babble, well it makes me sad :*( O well i will get my baby fix with my little niece!